Geo

Get out of the library, empty out your pocket protectors and throw on your nerd glasses as TV's Sexiest Bookworms.

Bennett Halverson

Under the Glasses: Summer Glau of Dollhouse
Throw her behind a computer desk as hacker "Orwell" of The Cape, take away her shoes, make her moon-brain crazy in the bowels of a starship, or just plain strip the flesh off her metal endo-skeleton.
No matter how big the glasses you throw on Summer Glau, we'd never miss the balletic beauty of our favorite geek goddess.

Charlotte Lewis

Under the Glasses: Rebecca Mader of LOST
We here at UGO certainly love our fiery redheads, whether they be bleeding from the nose, time-flashing out of their skulls, or macking on con men in the alterna-afterlife dealy.
Charlotte Lewis, object of Daniel Faraday's eye and brilliant archaologist to the island went far too soon.

Chloe O'Brien

Under the Glasses: Mary Lynn Rajskub of 24
Clearly, the only reason Jack Bauer never went after this brainy beauty was because their interactions were limited to frantic phone conversations stopping terrorists, or half-hidden behind a desk.
That, or the propensity of every woman Jack Bauer touches to explode in a firestorm of pathos.

Cynthia Sanders

Under the Glasses: Tania Raymonde of Malcolm in the Middle
Don't freak out! We knew from the moment we saw young Tania Raymonde's performance s the most brilliant girl of Malcolm's Krelboyne class that this young scholar was destined for mega-hotness.
We included the picture for your benefit, but if you think we're creeping out, keep in mind that she goes home to 58 year-old Jeff Goldblum every night.

Daria Morgendorffer

Under the Glasses: Tracy Grandstaff of Daria
We know the intellectually sardonic elder Morgendorffer was looked upon as dumpy and nerdier than her more vapid peers, but like Lainey Boggs before her, a quick tousle of the hair and tighter t-shirts were all it took to get the men of Lawndale High fawning all over her.

Winifred Burkle

Under the Glasses: Amy Acker of Angel
With Joss Whedon ever the fan of nerd empowerment, it's of interest to note that for most of their time together on Angel, Fred's waif-thin, eccentric, meek and bespectacled librarian/scientist recieved more male attention than, you know, the buxom, former prom-queen supermodel they lived with.
Then there was that time Amy Acker started walking around in red leather and blue hair, and nerds everywhere exploded. Figuratively.

Gwen Stacy

Under the Glasses: Lacey Chabert of The Spectacular Spider-Man
Here re-imagined as Peter Parker's nerdy girl-next-door best friend and hidden love interest, Spectacular Spider-Man's Gwen Stacy couldn't keep her beauty under wraps for long, as Mary Jane helped her figure out the age-old remedy of, you know...taking off your glasses.
Then again, when you're voiced by Lacey Chabert, and portrayed in other media by Bryce Dallas Howard and Emma Stone, it's safe to say you won't be considered the ugly duckling for long. Isn't young love great, until somebody snaps your neck?

Liz Lemon

Under the Glasses: Tina Fey of 30 Rock
Practically the inventor of glasses chic, no amount of snacking, neuroses, bizarre habits or spectacles could keep us from falling for funnygirl Tina Fey. Seriously! We'd even watch Date Night for her.
Okay, well we'd think about it.

Rachel Berry

Under the Glasses: Lea Michele of Glee
I will say something about Lea as soon as I'm finished looking at this picture.
One minute.
Okay! Rachel Berry might not have her head in calculus texts all the live-long day, but we can tell you what books she does obsess over! Song-books! Bazinga! Seriously, in what universe does Lea Michele in a schoolgirl outfit not cause every man in McKinley High to burst? Into...song...that is.

Dana Scully

Under the Glasses: Gillian Anderson of The X-Files
Agent Dana Scully, educated at University of Maryland and with her doctorate from parts unknown, seems entirely too beautiful a fiery redhead to be so incisive a thinker but that's why we love her so. Always after the truth, she'd tear your pick-up lines apart faster than an Alien Bounty Hunter.
Personality on the other hand...not exactly the life of the party.

Every Star Trek Woman Ever

Under the Glasses: Nichelle Nichols, Marina Sirtis, Gates McFadden, Terry Farrell, Nicole de Boer, Jeri Ryan, Roxann Dawson, Jolene Blalock, Linda Park...and it goes on like this.
Hotter than Warp Plasma though they may be, we remind you that these women are brilliant scientists, some even doctors, to be afforded work on the most advanced starships of their ages.
And remember, this is the 24th Century. Skintight catsuits are no excuse for leering.

Dr. Temperance Brennan

Under the Glasses: Emily Deschanel of Bones
There's about a million jokes about Dr. Temperance Brennan's personality being as bare as, well...bones. So why mess with a good thing?!
The most brilliant forensic anthropologist of her age, the beautiful Dr. Brennan's perhaps only failing is sharing the real-world limelight with a sister so darling and indie, you just want to punch her in the face.

Dr. Remy Hadley

Under the Glasses: Olivia Wilde of House
Perhaps the same could be said of all TV doctors, with looks more stunning than a defibrilator to the chest, but we feel that Dr. Remy "Thirteen" Hadley of House best fits the trope.
I mean, hi. Olivia Wilde is a doctor. A DOCTOR. We haven't felt our collective intelligence insulted this much since Tron: Legacy.

Velma Dinkley

Under the Glasses: Various voice actors, Linda Cardellini in live-action
Why would anybody go for Daphne anyway? Attaches herslf to a dimwitted guy in an ascot, getting herself into trouble, and wearing purle outfits with red hair? Eww.
As Linda Cardellini proved in live action, all it takes is a little upkeep to solve the mystery of where our jaws go everytime this bespectacled investigator puts the cap on another enigma.

Willow Rosenberg

Under the Glasses: Alyson Hannigan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Guys, girls, werewolves and snake demons, it doesn't take enchantments or revealing spells to tell us what attracted a generation of Joss Whedon fans to the best A-student, cyber-sleuth and wicked wiccan in all of Sunnydale.

Leather Nano Watch Strap, $26

I dig the candy-colored plastic Nano watch straps, but I am an eight year-old boy with ADHD trapped in a woman’s body. For you rougher and more adult customers, Elecom makes these leather wrist straps in black and brown. Feel free to order directly from them in you can read Japanese characters, or else get them through the link below from this English speaker living in Japan. I’ve never ordered from this dude, though, and can’t vouch for him, so don’t get mad at me if he absconds with your PayPal funds and leaves your wrist naked and less trusting in the future.

Customizable Engraved Bamboo Cases, $69-$99

Wood isn’t only good for sweet acoustics, it’s good for looking awesome. I’m loving these engraved bamboo cases from Grove. You can pick a design from the artists’ series (I especially like this 2 Guys 1 Beard case and another, not pictured, minimalist take on whales and bears), or submit one of your own and Grove will engrave it on a case for $99. All you have to do is upload your artwork (provided it doesn’t violate any copyright laws) at checkout.

HDMI Adapter, $72

FINALLY, someone brought an HDMI output to the iPhone. Those someones are predictably Japanese, so you must pay a mite extra as well as find a friend to translate the store’s website for you, but I’m still thoroughly excited. It’s only a matter of time before some company makes this available in the U.S. So what does this means for you? It means you can finally connect your iPhone via HDMI cable to your HDTV for movies, pictures, or mecha Keynote.

Dancing Cat Speaker, $40

I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation: not only does this upright feline amplify your music, it will dance to it. Anything: Wagner, Celtic Woman, Sisqo. If you’re interested, the kittens do a bit of a modified cabbage patch. Just insert two AA’s, plug the included cable into your iPod or iPhone, and let the soothing gyrations wash away your troubles. Other sites sell a dog version as well, but that’s really not important.

Darth Vader USB Hub, $65

Do you find yourself constantly removing USB cables to make room to charge your iPod? Well, don’t! This is America, not commie China where Chairman Mao oversees computer and fortune cookie production from his sewer fortress. Darth Vader here will sit on your desk, functioning as both a handsome work-time accessory and three extra USB ports. When he’s plugged into stuff he does that breathing thing, which will either be obnoxious after five minutes or become some kind of white noise you can’t quite seem to function without. Impressive. Most impressive.

Real Cow Hide Pouch, $89.89

No one will be upset with the fact that this iPhone pouch is made of actual cattle hide once they learn that the company sells them under the decidedly un-PC, and frankly quite confusing, name of Eskimo Pouch. With sheep leather lining, carbon fiber composite, and actual furry cattle hide exterior (I’m serious, you can brush these), you should certainly get your money’s worth if you like to dress like an extra from Midnight Cowboy.

Hairspray Case, $35

Griffin and Threadless have been joining forces since the iPhone 2G to bring you fine-looking cases. This time around, I especially dig this graffiti design from artist Jasmiini Ottelin, which adds less than a millimeter of thickness to your iPhone. Check out the site for other 4G designs like Electric Jellyfish and Everyday Life Would Be Cooler With Sound Effects, as well as some 2G and 3G cases still available for my stone age brothers out there.

iGrill, $100

This Christmas, I relied on a meat thermometer the grocery store gave away for free to cook steaks. Consequently, I caused a grease fire with five foot flames that raged on for twenty minutes inside the oven while I, after screaming and slamming the oven door shut, watched on helplessly and a bit pyro-hypnotized. I won’t make the same mistake next year. I’m either going to order Chinese or invest in something like the iGrill, a fancy meat thermometer that can communicate with your iPod. Set it for a specific temperature (the app will tell you which meats need which temperatures) and walk away. Your iPhone will keep you abreast of time, temp, and more through multiple meat probes.

Pulsear Heartrate Monitor Headphones, TBD

Is all that metal making you super aggro? These will tell you when it’s time to take a chill break. Switzerland’s CSEM just finalized the prototype for the Pulsear, headphones that monitor your heartrate via a small infrared sensor. Your iPhone can then take the signals, process them, and plot visually. If you’re the athletic type, this could take separate heartrate monitors completely out of the equation from your run, leaving you with nothing to carry but your iPhone on your arm. That and plenty of Jujubes!

Michael Kors iPhone Wristlet, $80

Hey there, classy lady. I know you’ve got the cheddar to afford an iPhone, but it’s like everybody’s got one now that Radioshack’s trading them for food stamps. Show the working class you also have the money to spend nearly one hundred dollars to give your phone its own purse, which you will then have to put into another purse. Crafted from the finest of full grain Napa leathers, this case from the MICHAEL by Michael Kors collection can also be purchased in tandem with a matching iPad case, should you at times desire a slightly larger screen display.

Motz Tiny Wooden Power Speaker, $60

The makers of the adorable Tiny Wooden Acorn speaker have a new miniature wooden iPhone accessory to strike your lumber-fancy. The Tiny Wooden Power Speaker isn’t only a bitchin’ FM radio, it’s an iPhone speaker made from “natural cut apricots” (I think they mean apricot wood, but I hope they do actually mean apricots). It can play music from a ton of other sources, too: flash drives, SD cards, and any MP3-capable devices. Just charge it up via USB and be on your way. Sure, it doesn’t dance like the cat speakers, but it looks so good it can just lean.

Movie Peg, $8

MoviePeg isn’t the only solution around for making your iThings stand up on their own, but it may have the best combination of elegance and cheapness. The simple notch, available in enough colors to make you grapple with the nature of capitalism, is available in iPhone 4 and iPhone 3 versions. It’s perfect for traveling, as a tripod for taking pictures, and keeping sticky child sausage fingers at bay while they watch some stupid video about Shrek or something that makes them shut up for five minutes so you can think.

Famicom Controller Case, $47

I’m down with the stickers that make your iPhone look like an NES controller, but what about an actual resin case that not only make it look like a Nintendo controller, but a Famicom controller? For real, an iPhone 4 that looks like a Japanese NES controller just might make me explode. Also, even though this is completely unlicensed, I am going to take this as a secret message just for me from Steve Jobs that Apple is about to buy Nintendo, whence upon the globe will flood with God’s happiness tears, creating an a Noah’s Ark Opposite Day miracle that mostly involves waterparks.

Pinball Magic Cabinet, $40

Face it: pinball’s just not the same without the cabinet. As much as I like playing digital pinball games, they can only get better with the Pinball Magic iPhone/iPod cabinet. Just slide your device inside, and you’ve got side mounted flipper buttons, an actual plunger to launch balls, and tilt detection (rats). So far it only works with their pinball game, but they promise support for other third party pinball games is coming soon.

Touchscreen Glove Pins, $14

There are plenty of gloves on the market with built-in conductors that allow you to manipulate your iPod’s touchscreen. But what if you already have a pair that’s kept you warm through many blizzards, which you won’t soon abandon for flash-in-the-pan techno-mittens? These conductive pins will make any pair of hand clothes touchscreen ready. They come in packs of four and you really only need one per set of gloves, so hand some out to a buddy or spread them out throughout your extensive and certainly dapper glove connection.

Universal Remote Control, $60

Put this thing in that thing and look, your iPod’s a universal remote control! I’ve got no fewer than six remotes, and it would be nice to use my end table for things other than remotes and game controllers. Compatible with most iPods, iPhones, and the iPad, it can be used in multiple rooms across your house and set up for a bunch of preprogrammed devices. Unfortunately, this means I would now have a near 100% chance of losing my iPhone.

Robot Headphone Splitter, $14

Sharing headphones with your high school beau is romantic. Awkwardly crowding together with somebody you just met at a party is not, especially when they return their bud covered in yellow-brown wax clumps. There’s really no cleaning that. Won’t you let Splitbot help keep your ears disease free? Simply pop his head off, stick it in your iPhone, and insert two headphones into his empty sockets. He also finds professional fulfillment as an adorable keychain.

iPhone Boxers, $20

You’ve gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, and know when to keep your iPhone in a snug pocket on the inside of your boxers. They’re specially treated with an anti-microbial odor buster so your phone won’t stank, so don’t worry about that. They should prevent robbers from trying to swipe your iPhone, but honestly, if they go through the trouble of going inside the front of your pants to try and get at it, you should just let them have it, man.

Cinemin Slice, $430

IPod, why you got such a little screen? I’ll fix you with the Cinemin Slice, an object of spelling confusion and an iPhone/iPod projector. The little device will give you up to a 60 inch image anywhere from the wall to the ceiling with the 90 degree swivel. It supports games, movies and photos and can also hook up to an iPad or laptop via the VGA port. It’s got speakers, too, should your device’s be inadequate.

Hello Kitty Solar Charger Charm, $29

Spending all day in the sun is rarely a problem for me, as my condo in Freelance Towers is regularly and thoughtfully stocked by Goody Robots. For those of you that do experience regular Vitamin D intake, consider these solar iPhone chargers. Available in Hello Kitty, teddy bear (this is from Japan, after all), and regular ol’ black versions, these solar batteries charge up to give your phone extra hours of juice. Quite handy when you’re away from a computer, car, or source of electrical charging power. Use it up, and the sun will have it ready to go again in a lickety jiff.

iRetrofone Steampunk Version, $350

Hurrhurr, making your iPhone look like an old phone that was clearly made way before iPhones existed, hurrhurr. Okay those things are dumb and it’s not funny anymore, but that would not stop me from buying this beautiful piece from Freeland Studios that leaves played-out anachronism-based ironies behind for pure style. Scott Freeland hand-sculpted and hand-painted this base that allows for USB charge and sync connectivity as well as, clearly, routing phone conversations through the handset. Take that, brain radiation!

Steve In-Sane Tee, $24

I can’t get enough of this t-shirt design, which combines David Bowie’s Aladdin Sane look with the young hipster Steve Jobs and the classic Apple color splash. This is definitely what I will be rocking in line for the iPad 2—if it comes out at a price point under $100. Check out the rest of this company’s shirts too, including one that asks What Would Geordi La Forge Do? (his visor can see directly through moral fog) and another that sports a charming Ascii tribute to Pedobear.

iPhone GPS Adapter, $80

Yeah, you can get a decent GPS for under $100 now, but I’m not going to tarnish this for you like Keanu Reeves’ performance in Bram Stoker’s Dracula tarnished Gary Oldman’s. Besides, wouldn’t you rather have the iPhone up there on your windshield to make hands-free calls, listen to your fave playlist, watch movies when traffic’s at a standstill, or impress extremely susceptible children? And there’s the GPS part too: the holster has a chip that boosts the iPhone’s otherwise spotty GPS navigation. Thanks to the adapter plate in this new version, it can work with the 4G as well as earlier versions.

Walkman Sticker, $6

Remember the Sony Walkmans/men/mens? Weren’t they funny? Guess what: that’s where your iPhone is headed someday. Celebrate the inescapable onset of obsoleteness with knowing snark and this cheap and awesome vinyl laminate for your iPhone 4. Dude sells plenty of other cool stickers, including ones that make your iPhone look like Han Solo frozen in carbonite and the R2-D2 Droid 2. The stickers themselves won’t ever let you down: they are made of material that’s been rated for 5-7 years of outdoor life, while your phone is probably rated for ten minutes of moist sweatpant exposure.

iPod Shower Speaker, $60

I don’t know how people take five minute showers. I stay in there a full twenty minutes, mostly just standing there and trying to wake up. I know it’s probably not good for the environment, but I’m just so sleepy. I could have something to do while I’m in there, though. Keep your gross comments to yourself, I’m talking about bringing my iPod in there, not making some kind of wet romance. Now, I know they are only waterproof 70% of the time, so I’m fixing to look into this waterproof shower speaker for iPods n’ Pads. Just put your iPod into the separate dock (it can be up to 150 feet away from the shower), hang the speaker unit by the shower head, and get to stepping on those non-slip bath stickers. Just make sure you have a decent playlist lined up, and don’t get smart with the “Singin’ in the Rain” and whatnot.

Geo

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